Chapter 4 The Fire Weeper, 5/2/1998
Chapter Four
Mirabelle stood before the town's church. Mr. Robert had given her the rest of the day off and Mirabelle called Reverend Michaels to receive some counselling from him. The little church was a place very dear to Mirabelle for it was here that she had met Edward. Its white walls, newly painted, glistened, causing its black roof and intricate stained glass windows to stand out boldly in the daylight. She craned her head upward to look at the steeple and it's bell. Mirabelle hoped that within the church's hallowed walls she would receive the answers to the questions that were so bothering her.
Walking around to the back of the church, she descended some stairs and went inside through an open side door. Within the basement, she passed by folded tables and chairs to come to one of the church's lower rooms. In the room, waiting for her, was Reverend Michaels.
"Hello, Mirabelle," he said greeting her, exuding an air of tranquility.
"Hello, Reverend," she replied, hopeful that he could help her resolve her conflicting feelings.
"Please, sit down," he said, extending a hand towards the seat before him.
"Thank you," Mirabelle replied.
"So, Mirabelle, you arranged to see me because you had something you wanted to discuss. What is it?" he asked.
"Well, Reverend Michaels, I'm planning on getting married in the near future sometime and I think I'm having some misgivings about it," she said, looking at him.
Reverend Michaels was a young minister, just under thirty if Mirabelle could recall correctly. He was slim, fairly tall, had short, curly brown hair, and wore glasses. He was dressed in his customary black clothing and had his usual air of affected calmness and compassion about him.
"Mirabelle, people always are nervous about the prospect of getting married, but marriage is a truly joyful event to look forward to. The decision of two people to share their lives together is such a wonderful mystery," he said to her in a soft, reassuring voice.
"Mystery?" she asked.
"Why yes," he replied. His hands spread open in a attitude of receiving and
his gaze lifted to look up somewhere above Mirabelle. A natural actor, the reverend played his role of divine intermediary like a master. Mirabelle was expecting him to start glowing in a celestial light. Michaels launched into his sermon, appearing to be inspired by heaven:
"Why do two people fall in love? How do they know they are right for each other? Something deep inside tells them that this is the right person for them. Somehow they just know they are doing the right thing," he intoned. He closed his eyes, lowered his head, and nodded as his hands came together to clasp each other, then said, "It has always been a wonderful mystery for me." Having conveyed his message from the beyond, he returned his attention to Mirabelle, and questioned her, "Do you love Edward?"
"Yes, I do," responded Mirabelle.
"Does he love you?" he asked.
"Yes, he does," she replied.
"Then, my dear, you have nothing to worry about. The marriage will work out fine," he said to her, already knowing the outcome. He continued, "Naturally, there'll be ups and downs in it, but as long as you love each other, the bond will last." Michaels nodded to himself assured he was correct.
Mirabelle nodded in reply. What he said made sense but she still had the underlying, nagging feeling that marrying Edward just wasn't enough for her, that she had more to accomplish in life than to be just a housewife.
"It's just that I have this feeling in me that something is missing from my life," Mirabelle confided to the reverend.
"Missing?" he asked her, curiously. He couldn't see what could be possibly be missing. "Do you know what?" he questioned.
"No, I don't," Mirabelle answered. After pausing to gather her thoughts she continued, "That's what is troubling me so much--I can't understand why I'm having this feeling and I can't really ignore it either." She frowned and crossed her arms, vexed with herself.
"And how do you feel about your future as a wife," Michaels asked, deducing the most likely cause of her discontent.
"Oh, I guess I'll be fine," Mirabelle responded, trying to appear enthusiastic. "I guess I can't expect much more out of life," she admitted.
"It is the human condition to feel that something is lacking in life, that one's circumstances are insufficient for fulfillment. That's why the spiritual life is so important," Reverend Michaels said, pausing to look at her and note her reaction. "People have to integrate religion into their lives. Unless a person's spiritual needs are met, she'll always feel as though something is missing," he advised her. He nodded his head to affirm his own statement as if to enhance the validity of his words and his conviction.
"So what you're saying is that I should pray," Mirabelle asked him sincerely, "and come to church more often?" Perhaps it was the answer she was searching for.
"I think that's the best thing you could do," he replied, happy to see she was coming to accept his advice. The reverend had, after all, the authority to help people.
"I guess you're right, Reverend," Mirabelle said submissively, having again added another person's belief to her growing collection of beliefs on what she should do. Of course, she wanted to do the "right" thing but because of her pesky feelings... "I just wish I wasn't divided on my feelings about the marriage," she said to the reverend, wondering how he would respond.
"Mirabelle, maybe you want something more out of life than being a housewife, but you have to accept the role of women in society," he said looking at her as if she were a wayward child. He took her hands in his in a paternalistic yet caring way and told her, "Just remember that love will carry you through all the trials of your life, my dear." Mirabelle nodded in reply. Reverend Michaels should know better what was good for her than herself, after all.
"Thank you, Reverend," she said smiling, convinced she had finally gotten the answers she needed.
"You're welcome, my child," Reverend Michaels said to her as she departed.
Mirabelle walked home from the church, certain her problems were finally solved. The reverend had given her the best possible advice for obliterating her personal, internal conflicts (or to be more accurate, feelings). She and Edward did love each other. Love would get her through all of her future trials and a person did have to accept one's given role in life, after all.
She was wrong to want more out of life than what was dealt her. "Why be rebellious? Why go against the current? Why want adventure when my future promises to be so comfortable and fashionable and acceptable?" she asked herself. It was just her being plain immature to want more, to believe her feelings about her life were important.
As Mirabelle came to her front door she released a sigh of relief, feeling as if a heavy load had finally been removed from her heart. Following other people's advice was so much easier than trusting herself.
