Chapter Twenty-Five
"Where are you off to, Joseph?" asked Mirabelle.
Joseph turned around from the front door of the living room to face Mirabelle who stood in the doorway to the kitchen.
"I'm off to do a little exploring," he said. He was carrying a rucksack with him. "This is probably the last chance for me to find something I was looking for before the snows come," he told her.
"What's that?" asked Mirabelle. She was curious as to for what he was searching.
"A spring," Joseph replied.
"A spring?" questioned Mirabelle. "Why would he want to find a spring?" she wondered.
"Yes," answered Joseph.
"Can I come along?" asked Mirabelle. She had nothing to do that day and wanted to go out.
"If you'd like," Joseph replied, nonchalantly, then waited for Mirabelle to change her mind. When she didn't, he hesitated for a moment then told her, "Get your things and meet me by Kirk's truck."
Kirk drove Joseph and Mirabelle to a spot a few miles south of the ranch by the side of the road.
"Have fun," Kirk said to them from the cab of his truck.
Joseph smiled. "Thanks, Kirk," he said.
"Yeah, thanks," said Mirabelle.
Kirk waved and then drove off. Joseph turned to face the pine-covered hills behind him then said to Mirabelle, "Come on. We don't have time to dally."
He started walking off across the grassy plain towards the foot of the hills with Mirabelle at his heels. She got into step beside him then asked, "What's so special about this spring?"
They continued to talk as they made their way towards a valley between two hills.
"It's what you might call a holy spring, or at least that's what someone told me," answered Joseph. He kept a brisk walking pace, which Mirabelle thought was somewhat inconsiderate of him.
"A holy spring?" Mirabelle responded a bit breathlessly. She was working pretty hard to keep up with him.
"Yes," answered Joseph. "I believe it's in the valley between the two hills after these two," he gestured towards the hills before them with his chin. "I was told it was on a hillside covered with aspens around here. About two-thirds up the hill on its northwest section."
"Who told you this?" Mirabelle asked as she looked at the hills that were still pretty far away.
"I'll tell you when we take a break at the crest of this valley," replied Joseph, again motioning to the hills before them. He added, "Don't worry about time. We should be back at the road by sundown and Kirk should be there to pick us up."
Joseph and Mirabelle stood before the pines trees that towered above them like the walls to a fortress. Mirabelle couldn't see how they were to get through the thickets that grew beneath the trees. Joseph stood silently studying the vegetation before them then exclaimed, "There it is." He pointed to a nondescript space between some trees and headed towards it. Mirabelle followed. As Joseph stepped between the pines, he moved to the side to allow Mirabelle a closer look.
"Do you see it?" he asked her.
Mirabelle studied the forest before them for a minute or so. At first she couldn't see anything but after a few moments what appeared to be a trail materialized before her eyes.
"Wow," Mirabelle breathed. The trail had appeared as if by magic.
Joseph smiled at her then said, "I'm surprised you saw it at all. A lot of people wouldn't have seen anything at all."
"Who made it?" asked Mirabelle. It wasn't like any trail she had ever seen before. Unlike the wider, more worn-down trails she had taken on hikes outside of Ponderosa, this trail was nearly an invisible line that winded through the land's features and undergrowth up through the valley. It seemed barely wider than the width of a person's foot.
"The old Indians who used to live here," replied Joseph. "We're lucky we can even make it out. It could have been completely overgrown with plants or could have just eroded away." He looked up at the sloping incline of forest before them, then said, "Come on, let's get going."
Joseph started up the trail while Mirabelle followed. Quickly, gracefully and nimbly he worked his way up the valley. Mirabelle plodded along thrashing and stumbling over the unfortunate vegetation and rocks in her way as she watched Joseph seem to float up and over the landscape, effortlessly and noiselessly.
After a while Mirabelle found herself far behind Joseph, almost out of sight. Fortunately for her, he stopped to sit on a tree stump and waited the many minutes it took for her to catch up. When she reached him, she unceremoniously dropped herself on the ground beside him and struggled to catch her breath.
"Could you go a little slower?" she asked Joseph. Mirabelle's face was as red as a beet and her breathing more like a dog's panting.
"You'd go a lot faster if you didn't fight the forest," he replied.
"What?" Mirabelle asked, gruffly. She wasn't in the mood for philosophical debate.
"Stop trying to thrash your way through the thickets and flow around them like water. You use a lot more energy fighting the forest rather than flowing with it," Joseph told her.
"It's just easy for you because of your Comanche heritage," she said to Joseph, trying to defend her methods.
"Actually, off of their horses, the old Nuhmuhnuh were about as graceful as plodding ducks. They were as bad as some of the cowboys you see walking around from time to time. Neither would walk a hundred yards if there was a horse handy," he told her.
"Then why are you so skillful?" Mirabelle asked.
"I've spent a lot of time in the woods since I came to the ranch so I've learned a few things along the way. In all honesty, I was as bad as you when I first started," he said then looked at Mirabelle and noted, "You make more noise than a full-grown moose."
"Funny," said Mirabelle with a groan.
"You sound like one too," kidded Joseph.
"Now that you've had your rest," he went on as he smiled, "Let's get going. We'll take another break at the top of the valley. You can see the aspens from there. It should be really beautiful now because it's fall." Joseph stood up then reprimanded Mirabelle, "Remember, flow."
Mirabelle nodded. If there was an easier way than what she had been doing, she was all for it.
Joseph started off again with Mirabelle close behind. As she heeded his advice she found that the hike was indeed much easier. She bent her knees a little to lower her center of gravity and now took graceful, balanced steps around plants and rocks she had tried to go over before. Though it took all of her concentration, she found it almost relaxing and fun. She kept pace with Joseph and soon found herself at the crest of the valley with him.
They had stopped at a little clearing on the hillside overlooking the next valley. Joseph sat himself on a boulder and Mirabelle followed suit. The view was breathtaking. A sea of golden leaves swayed in the gentle breezes of the day. It was like teardrops had fallen from the sun to land on the valley, bathing it in a melange of saffron and gamboge.
After admiring the view, Mirabelle said to Joseph, "That trick really worked." It had and she was grateful she had learned it.
"It works in other areas of life, as well," Joseph responded.
Mirabelle and Joseph stopped to eat a quick snack and chatted before starting off again.
"How did you find this place?" asked Mirabelle, referring to the golden valley before them.
"I spotted it from another hilltop last year," replied Joseph.
"I mean the trail, the spring. You said someone told you of it?" she asked Joseph.
Joseph nodded then said, "I few years ago when I was still on the rodeo circuit, I met a guy at the Durango rodeo who told me of the spring. I've been looking for it ever since I came to work for Michael. I only found the valley last fall."
"Who was the guy?" asked Mirabelle.
"An Ute. His name was George, about the same age as me. He came up to me after my act to tell me how much he liked it, showed me around Durango and even took me in his beat up car to those ruins in the cliffs near there. We got to talking about our pasts and that's when he told me about the legend of this spring, south of what is now Ponderosa," he told Mirabelle.
"What's the legend?" asked Mirabelle.
"He hadn't been to it himself, but he knew a story that told of the spring, its location, and its magical powers," answered Joseph.
"Magical powers?" questioned Mirabelle, now intrigued.
"It's just a story," responded Joseph. "In fact, I don't know if it really is there," he said as he gestured to the valley with his chin. "It was an adventure. A quest. I thought it would be exciting to look for the thing."
Mirabelle nodded.
"The spring lies west of the cut in the valley of the sun," Joseph said to himself.
"I beg your pardon?" responded Mirabelle.
"This is the only valley of aspens south of Ponderosa's river for many, many miles," replied Joseph. He got up and pointed to the valley before them then said, "And see over there... there's a gully a quarter of the way down that hill."
Mirabelle could see it. It was a deep cleft cut into the hillside that emerged between the aspens.
"I passed by this valley before on my hikes but it was only when I saw it last fall when the leaves were yellow and falling did I finally realize this was it," he told her then turned to stare at the golden forest that beckoned him, holding him entranced.
Mirabelle watched Joseph's lonely figure standing before her: It was imbued with the hopeful look of a wayward wanderer finally nearing his prize. "What now?" she eventually asked him.
"Follow the trail," replied Joseph, turning to look at her, "The trail should lead right to the spring, or so he told me."
Mirabelle nodded. "What could be so special about a spring?" she wondered to herself.
Joseph and Mirabelle started down the hill, into the valley below. The path descended to the valley floor and, after ambling alongside a stream, began to climb into the north hillside. Soon they found themselves before the gully.
"How do we get across?" asked Mirabelle. The gully was pretty deep, being more than twenty feet deep and about eighteen feet across.
"We could go back downhill, cross the stream at the valley bottom then work our way back up," suggested Joseph.
"Isn't there a quicker way?" questioned Mirabelle.
"We could climb down the gully and back up the other side," said Joseph.
"I don't think I could do it," replied Mirabelle as she looked down the gully. It looked too steep.
"Well," said Joseph as he looked around for another solution and looking at the nearby ground, found it. "There are those blown-down aspens over there," he said while pointing to the nearby fallen trees. "We could stand them up near the edge and let them fall over the gulley to make a bridge," he suggested.
"I don't think they would support our weight," Mirabelle said, finding another reason not to cross. She didn't want to go through all this trouble just to see a spring. "Let's just head back to the road," she suggested.
"But we came all this way," said Joseph. "Why turn back now?" he asked her.
"I just wanted to come to go out and have a little adventure for the day," answered Mirabelle. "I didn't intend on putting my life in danger," she told him.
"Well, you can go back then," said Joseph, "I'm going to cross." He dropped his rucksack then headed towards one of the fallen aspens and dragged it to the gully's edge.
"But Joseph," Mirabelle said to him when he was again beside her, "I might get lost."
"Just keep heading east," he said to her as he looked across the gully, "You'll come out of the hills eventually and then can get on to the road to wait for Kirk."
"But I might get lost in the forest. I might lose the trail. I might get hurt. Then what would happen to me?" she asked him, concernedly.
"Well, you can wait for me here till I get back," Joseph said to her. He had raised up the log and was about to let it drop. "Stand back," he told Mirabelle.
He released the log from his grip and it fell to the ground with a thud. Joseph turned to Mirabelle and asked her, "So what have you decided to do?"
Mirabelle hadn't made up her mind. The best option seemed to be to wait for Joseph here so she told him, "I'll wait for you here."
Joseph nodded then stepped up to the narrow bridge. He stepped on it to see if it would bear his weight. The log held sturdily.
"Why don't you put down a few more logs down to make the bridge wider?" Mirabelle suggested. She had found a large rock to sit on and was watching Joseph from her position.
"Good idea," he said to her, "I think two more logs should do the trick." He proceeded to drag two more logs to the gully then dropped them into position beside the first log. Looking at his handiwork, Joseph nodded to himself, apparently satisfied. "Too bad I didn't bring any twine," he said, regretfully. He then placed a foot on the center log.
Mirabelle called out, "What should I do if you fall off and kill yourself?"
"Don't worry about that," replied Joseph. He had turned his head back to look at Mirabelle.
"What's so important about a stupid spring, anyway," asked Mirabelle. She didn't see the point of risking one's life in order to see a puddle of water.
"I need to see it... For me," answered Joseph, facing away from her.
"Why?" questioned Mirabelle.
Joseph took his foot off the log and turned to face Mirabelle. "If you don't like it here you can just head back down the trail, you know."
Mirabelle was miffed at his response. She had come all this way to the middle of nowhere following Joseph and now he was basically telling her to get lost. "Well!" she said, suddenly inflamed, "I don't know how I let you talk me into coming here, you jerk!"
"I didn't talk you into anything," he replied, "You came here of your own free will." He had turned around to face the gully.
"Well then, go ahead and find your stupid spring!" shouted an upset Mirabelle. It seemed to her that Joseph didn't care about her at all. She got up from the rock she was seated on and started to head down the trail. Just when she was about to march all the way back to the road, she decided to turn around to see if Joseph had made it across. She turned and found that he had indeed made it safely over the cleft. He waved to her from across the rift. Mirabelle walked back to where the logs crossed the gully.
"Come on over," said Joseph, "It's easy."
Mirabelle looked at the logs before her feet. She was half-tempted to kick them so that they would fall down the gully. That would teach that jerk for deserting her--at least he'd have a longer walk home.
"No," answered Mirabelle.
"Well, you can wait for me here or you can head back home... or you could come across and find the spring with me," he suggested to her.
"You and your stupid spring," said an again testy Mirabelle. "What's so great about a stupid spring?" she questioned Joseph.
"It's supposed to have the power to heal," Joseph replied. A faint glimmer of hope seemed to flash across his face, momentarily.
"A healing spring. A magical spring," Mirabelle thought to herself as she considered what to do--she did come all this way, after all. Plus, she was afraid of getting lost in the forest.
"I'll help you across," Joseph said to her, patiently.
"Why should I trust you?" questioned Mirabelle: A few moments ago he was just going to leave her behind.
"You can do whatever you'd like, Mirabelle," he said to her.
Mirabelle looked at the gully below her. It wasn't like falling off a cliffside but it was still dangerous. "Should I turn back now?" she asked herself. She looked at Joseph, hoping to find an answer, when suddenly her mind was filled with remembrances of what might have been--memories of her life with Edward.
She stood there dreaming of herself as his wife: outwardly seemingly fulfilled, yet inwardly as empty as a dried-out husk--a colourless shade that merely put herself through the motions of life, pretending to be happy yet always feeling that something was missing, that something was lacking from her life. The mundane, ordinary life had scared her. It had made her fear that her life would slowly drain out of her or would prove itself to be utterly meaningless: The only thing that would have given that life meaning for her was a love that no longer existed.
She had wanted adventure and now it was here before her. Was she going to turn her back on this too? Would she live her life trapped in the limbo of the living dead: one of those who were shut off from life because of her fears; a woman afraid of life and because of that not truly alive at all? Mirabelle looked at Joseph, standing there, waiting. He had saved her life once before, possibly even twice. She made up her mind: She wasn't going to turn her back on life. She decided that she did want to see the spring.
"I'll cross if you help me," she said to Joseph.
He nodded.
"On one condition," Mirabelle said pausing, "I'm trusting you with my life so I want you to trust me with yours."
Joseph stood there unable to comprehend.
"If I cross with you, you have to tell me why you're always so aloof with me. It's driving me crazy. Sometimes you're so nice to me and then other times you treat me like used tissue paper," she said to him.
Joseph didn't answer.
"Now it's up to you, Joseph," Mirabelle said to him.
Joseph stood there wondering what he should do.
"Who's afraid now?" she questioned.
He deliberated for a long while then decisively said, "Fine." Joseph had never run away from his fears before and he wasn't about to start to now. He sought out challenges, he didn't run away from them.
Joseph carefully crossed the log bridge and stood beside Mirabelle. He said to her, "Look at your feet but don't think about falling. Think about being on the other side. You think about falling off and your body obliges. You think about getting across and you get across."
Mirabelle nodded then said, "We have a deal, remember."
Joseph nodded in reply then took her hand.
With Joseph leading her by the hand, Mirabelle very carefully made her way across the log. It was just as Joseph said, she got what she concentrated on. When the duo were safely on the other side of the gully, Mirabelle said to Joseph, "Now tell me why you're always so aloof with me."
"I will," answered Joseph, walking off, "After we find the spring."
Mirabelle watched him head down the trail then followed him into the aspens.
"It shouldn't be far now," he said to her when she caught up.
They followed the path and it gradually turned right, leading them up the hill. The forest soon gave way around them and the two found themselves before a ten-foot high wall of earth and stone that seemed to have been cut from the hillside. There, at its base, bubbled the spring.
"So it was true," said Joseph to himself as he looked at the spring.
He walked up past the small stream that flowed from the spring to the spring itself and cupped his hands to take a drink of the water. Mirabelle watched him for a few moments then walked up to stand beside him.
"You might as well take a drink," said Joseph, "You're probably thirsty."
"What's the big deal about this spring, anyway?" asked Mirabelle. For a magical spring it didn't look very spectacular to her.
"Drink first, then we'll talk," responded Joseph.
Joseph stepped aside to allow Mirabelle to drink. She knelt down on her knees and, cupping her hands together, took a handful of water and swallowed it down. The water was cool, fresh and tasteless. Mirabelle waited expectantly for something to happen, but apparently the spring was nothing but blown-up hype.
Mirabelle stood up and turned to Joseph. He was sitting on a nearby boulder. He patted to a boulder beside him, motioning Mirabelle to sit. She walked up to the spot and sat herself down.
"I don't feel any different," said Mirabelle to Joseph.
"Perhaps it was all just a silly fantasy," he replied and then looked away from her. Joseph stared into the distance, searching himself for some notable change.
"This spring doesn't contain harmful chemicals, does it?" asked Mirabelle. She wondered if there was an atomic waste dump somewhere nearby and looked at her hands to see if she could see through them.
"I hope not," said Joseph, as he turned to smile somewhat sheepishly at Mirabelle.
"Great," thought Mirabelle, then asked herself, "Now what did I get myself into?" She mentally checked over her body and couldn't find anything wrong with her... and she had only taken one drink. Done examining herself, she turned to look at Joseph. He sat unmovingly, his eyes looking far away. Curious as to how he was feeling, she asked him, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," he replied as he turned to look at her. "I'm just a little disappointed," he confided.
"What were you expecting to happen?" Mirabelle asked.
"Some great change. Some great transformation," answered Joseph, frowning a little.
"How?" she asked.
"The legend was that the spring's water would take away all the darkness in one's heart and replace it with light," Joseph told her, "But I don't feel any different." He tapped his hands on his knees, apparently bored of waiting for something to happen.
"Tell me why you're always so distant with me," asked Mirabelle, remembering their deal. "You promised," she reminded him.
Joseph sighed and stood up. "We better head back to the road," he told Mirabelle as he started walking away.
First surprised, then furious, Mirabelle shouted, "We had deal, Joseph!"
Joseph stopped in his steps and stood there motionless.
"I've never done anything to you, Joseph," Mirabelle said to him, quietly.
Joseph turned around and walked back to the boulder where he had sat. He looked at Mirabelle then said to her, "You haven't... But you might."
"For goodness' sakes, Joseph. I'm not going to bite you," she said, looking up, to him.
Joseph sat himself beside Mirabelle. Crouching forward, he placed his elbows on his knees and put his hands together. He turned his head to look at Mirabelle then said:
"It was a long time ago when I was still in the army. I was stationed in France during the rebuilding. What happened was that I fell in love with a woman there. It wasn't my idea and because of the circumstances I thought it best to avoid the whole thing... but I couldn't," Joseph told her.
"What happened?" asked Mirabelle.
"To make a long story short," he said, "I fell in love with her, she seemed to feel the same, so I told her how I felt. She said to me she thought that it wouldn't work out. I accepted it and was heartbroken. The next day I found out she was sick. I assumed it was coincidence but I wondered if it may have been my fault. I tried to visit her at the hospital but she had already left. I ran into her at a library a few days later but, as I was at a loss for words, I didn't say anything to her."
Joseph looked at Mirabelle and as she made no response, he continued:
"I went to visit her a few days later, to see if she was all right. I asked her if she was all right for I heard she had been in the hospital," Joseph said.
"What did she say?" asked Mirabelle, now drawn into his story.
"She looked at me with the most hatred look I have ever seen in my life and said, 'I'm perfectly wonderful, now leave me alone,'" Joseph answered. He looked at Mirabelle, who was silent, then went on:
"I couldn't understand what happened and I walked away wondering what the hell was going on. I didn't see her for a while then came back to apologize a couple of times. I never had anyone hate me like that before or since," he said.
"And then?" Mirabelle asked.
"I got a worse response each time I went back. Eventually the local police contacted me warning me not to see her," Joseph said, visibly hurt.
"How did it end?" Mirabelle asked him.
"I went back to see her one last time. I just wanted to get her forgiveness and to give her a rose because I still loved her. I ended up getting called in by the police," he told her.
Mirabelle waited for him to continue.
"When I told the detective my story, he let me off the hook, provided that I never see her again," Joseph finished.
"Why did you go back even when it was plain to see she didn't want to see you again?" asked Mirabelle.
"I always have and still do, go by my feelings. I went back even when I knew I was going to get into a lot of trouble," he said.
"But she never reciprocated your feelings," Mirabelle pointed out.
"Before I had first expressed my feelings for her to her, there was a time when she had placed her head on her hands and looked me in the eyes in an intimate way," Joseph said, remembering as he sat there. He continued, "And she was always so pleasant with me, before..." He paused to look off before him, further recalling his memories then said, "That's probably what hurts me the most." He shook his head then continued, "The detective read me a bit of her complaint statement. She lied about some incidents and about how she had interacted with me."
"A fool in love," remarked Mirabelle.
"Never again," Joseph said to himself and shook his head. "I was wondering if was going crazy," told her, "My feelings were telling me one thing and everything else was blaring another."
"And you still trusted your feelings?" questioned Mirabelle.
"I still do," replied Joseph, "For better or for worse." He sighed, shook his head and then said, "There was even an incident at a library, over there. Because of what happened, I was wondering if this librarian was her brother or something." He said to Mirabelle, "It was really crazy... for me at least." He shook his head again.
"Did you ever find out what really happened between you and her?" Mirabelle asked Joseph.
"No," he answered, then said a moment later, "After a while it just didn't really matter anymore."
"Do you still love her?" asked Mirabelle.
"No," Joseph responded.
"Do you hate her?" she asked.
"No," he replied.
Joseph turned to look at Mirabelle, then said, "I never want to go through that again, so basically I've been doing my best to avoid women. It's nothing personal."
Mirabelle nodded.
"I just don't want to get too close to you or anyone, so I won't get hurt again," Joseph told her.
"I wouldn't do that to you, Joseph," Mirabelle assured him.
"Better safe than sorry," he replied.
The pair sat silently, quietly contemplating for a while, when Mirabelle asked, "How did you leave the army?"
"The police let me go, but she had complained to my superiors and I got sent home with a dishonorable discharge," Joseph answered.
Mirabelle nodded.
Moments quietly passed before Mirabelle then asked, "So what do we do now?"
"Go back," Joseph replied, seeing there was not much else to do.
Joseph stood up, walked over to the spring and took something out of his shirt pocket. Mirabelle watched as he tore whatever it was into little pieces to leave at the spring. Having finished, Joseph walked down the trail to the gully. As he passed her, he said to Mirabelle, "I'll meet you at the gully." She nodded.
After waiting a while, Mirabelle got up and walked to the spring. She wanted to see what Joseph had left behind. As she looked at the scraps of paper she could see that it was the photograph of himself that Joseph had shown her on the porch. Mirabelle crouched down and took one last drink from the spring. She then stood up and went down the trail to meet Joseph.
